1. When we come into the world bare-bottomed, what is the first thing that happens? Someone smacks you on your rosy cheeks, that's what! We spend the rest of our lives trying to protect our posteriors with things like pants.
Why don't they come standard with steel plates and razor spikes then? Other than keeping the joy of sitting in other's laps.
2. Some people say that pants are easier to move around in, and you can ride horses and stuff, but I don't believe it. Pants were made just so some rich person could slap their name on a pair and force you to shell out your life savings in order to not look like a dork.
A designer dress will easily cost as much as 5 pairs of pants. If the companies really wanted to make money they'd get everyone to wear dresses and put two brand tags conveniantly at chest level to make sure they were seen.
Pants are medieval torture devices, didn't you know?
This I can believe.
4. In the case of bell-bottoms, someone performed a satanic rite and designed them in order to appease the demon lord, Kazatharmat. (I made this up, actually. But it would explain a lot because bell-bottoms are ugly, just like Kazatharmat.)
He may be ugly, but WOW can he throw a party.
5. Being a deprived and lecherous race, we made pants to replace dresses and robes in order to get a better look at the shapely contours of our buttocks.
Skirts are easier access.
6. In the case of corduroy pants, they were made to keep track of where everyone is in the dark. It's like when those mice put a bell on the cat so it couldn't sneak up on them.
Well, why can't we all just wear little leather collars with bells? *innocent look*
7. Pants were made just so some idiot could make a list about why pants were made.
Lists about why pants were made were made by idiots to find out who the bigger idiots were by seeing who posted lists of why the initial lists had plot holes. I warn against trying to parse the grammar of that last sentence.
8. Personally, I don't wear pants, but if I did, they would be underpants. (Ok, so this doesn't explain why pants were made, but I had to say "underpants" at least once...ooo, twice!)
I warn against both. This will protect you from the evils of pants, and against the occasional pirate panty raid.
9. Pants, like all clothing, were made merely for the joy of taking them off again.
But there's a very large industry devoted to making things that are made for taking off...and very seldom are pants in the catalog...
10. Pants were made so that when you try to do the splits in order to impress that cute girl in tae kwon do class and you tear a giant hole from zipper to pant cuff and suffer a severe groin strain and then struggle to your feet quivering in pain to smile at her as if nothing was wrong and she has pity on you and offers to help you to the doctor and on the way she catches the glint of moonlight in your tear-filled eyes and falls in love with you, ravishing you while driving down the street and you suddenly realize that it wasn't the cute girl who took you to the hospital, but some fat guy you never met before, and he only looked like her because of some pain-induced hallucination...*breathes*...it is at that moment that you thank heavens for the little metal bits that hold your pants together.
Don't you just hate it when that happens? I can't TELL you how embarressed I was last time that...
...
I mean, what are you talking about?
i happen to like bell bottoms and i do look good in them! my uhm, weight has nothing to do with my pants. honestly.
Don't worry, pants are like cameras; they add 10 pounds. If you don't belive me, drop some in a scale. ^-^
