Pants

This is a forum where you can ask Kiri anything. She will answer to the best of her ability. Others may answer as well, but Kiri will try to answer all reasonable questions. Do not feel limited by topic.
Post Reply
User avatar
Lairian
Newbie
Posts: 123
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2003 1:42 pm
Location: Northern California
Contact:

Pants

Post by Lairian »

Who's the genious that decided that it would be a good idea to incorperate cold metal bits on things that you put onto your body in the morning when the temperature of said metal bits is around 5 degrees Kelvin? And why did they think this was a good idea?
--Lairian
User avatar
kiri
Needs Help
Posts: 619
Joined: Mon Jan 06, 2003 10:44 pm
Contact:

Post by kiri »

Pants are medieval torture devices, didn't you know?

My guess though is Levi Strauss had something to do with it.
On the bright side, he's dead.
User avatar
Stars
Mud Addict
Posts: 446
Joined: Tue Jan 07, 2003 10:10 am
Location: Earth

Post by Stars »

Here is a short list of why pants might exist...

1. When we come into the world bare-bottomed, what is the first thing that happens? Someone smacks you on your rosy cheeks, that's what! We spend the rest of our lives trying to protect our posteriors with things like pants.
2. Some people say that pants are easier to move around in, and you can ride horses and stuff, but I don't believe it. Pants were made just so some rich person could slap their name on a pair and force you to shell out your life savings in order to not look like a dork.
3.
Kiri wrote:Pants are medieval torture devices, didn't you know?
4. In the case of bell-bottoms, someone performed a satanic rite and designed them in order to appease the demon lord, Kazatharmat. (I made this up, actually. But it would explain a lot because bell-bottoms are ugly, just like Kazatharmat.)
5. Being a deprived and lecherous race, we made pants to replace dresses and robes in order to get a better look at the shapely contours of our buttocks.
6. In the case of corduroy pants, they were made to keep track of where everyone is in the dark. It's like when those mice put a bell on the cat so it couldn't sneak up on them.
7. Pants were made just so some idiot could make a list about why pants were made.
8. Personally, I don't wear pants, but if I did, they would be underpants. (Ok, so this doesn't explain why pants were made, but I had to say "underpants" at least once...ooo, twice!)
9. Pants, like all clothing, were made merely for the joy of taking them off again.
10. Pants were made so that when you try to do the splits in order to impress that cute girl in tae kwon do class and you tear a giant hole from zipper to pant cuff and suffer a severe groin strain and then struggle to your feet quivering in pain to smile at her as if nothing was wrong and she has pity on you and offers to help you to the doctor and on the way she catches the glint of moonlight in your tear-filled eyes and falls in love with you, ravishing you while driving down the street and you suddenly realize that it wasn't the cute girl who took you to the hospital, but some fat guy you never met before, and he only looked like her because of some pain-induced hallucination...*breathes*...it is at that moment that you thank heavens for the little metal bits that hold your pants together.
The stars brightly shine upon our world, a constant reminder of our origin. We are stars.
User avatar
Joysinger
Avid Player
Posts: 159
Joined: Wed Jan 29, 2003 3:04 pm

Post by Joysinger »

*peers at stars* i happen to like bell bottoms and i do look good in them! my uhm, weight has nothing to do with my pants. honestly. :)
*Unicorn hoofprint sparkling from glittering faerie-dust*
User avatar
Lairian
Newbie
Posts: 123
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2003 1:42 pm
Location: Northern California
Contact:

Post by Lairian »

1. When we come into the world bare-bottomed, what is the first thing that happens? Someone smacks you on your rosy cheeks, that's what! We spend the rest of our lives trying to protect our posteriors with things like pants.
Why don't they come standard with steel plates and razor spikes then? Other than keeping the joy of sitting in other's laps.
2. Some people say that pants are easier to move around in, and you can ride horses and stuff, but I don't believe it. Pants were made just so some rich person could slap their name on a pair and force you to shell out your life savings in order to not look like a dork.
A designer dress will easily cost as much as 5 pairs of pants. If the companies really wanted to make money they'd get everyone to wear dresses and put two brand tags conveniantly at chest level to make sure they were seen.
Pants are medieval torture devices, didn't you know?
This I can believe.
4. In the case of bell-bottoms, someone performed a satanic rite and designed them in order to appease the demon lord, Kazatharmat. (I made this up, actually. But it would explain a lot because bell-bottoms are ugly, just like Kazatharmat.)
He may be ugly, but WOW can he throw a party.
5. Being a deprived and lecherous race, we made pants to replace dresses and robes in order to get a better look at the shapely contours of our buttocks.
Skirts are easier access.
6. In the case of corduroy pants, they were made to keep track of where everyone is in the dark. It's like when those mice put a bell on the cat so it couldn't sneak up on them.
Well, why can't we all just wear little leather collars with bells? *innocent look*
7. Pants were made just so some idiot could make a list about why pants were made.
Lists about why pants were made were made by idiots to find out who the bigger idiots were by seeing who posted lists of why the initial lists had plot holes. I warn against trying to parse the grammar of that last sentence.
8. Personally, I don't wear pants, but if I did, they would be underpants. (Ok, so this doesn't explain why pants were made, but I had to say "underpants" at least once...ooo, twice!)
I warn against both. This will protect you from the evils of pants, and against the occasional pirate panty raid.
9. Pants, like all clothing, were made merely for the joy of taking them off again.
But there's a very large industry devoted to making things that are made for taking off...and very seldom are pants in the catalog...
10. Pants were made so that when you try to do the splits in order to impress that cute girl in tae kwon do class and you tear a giant hole from zipper to pant cuff and suffer a severe groin strain and then struggle to your feet quivering in pain to smile at her as if nothing was wrong and she has pity on you and offers to help you to the doctor and on the way she catches the glint of moonlight in your tear-filled eyes and falls in love with you, ravishing you while driving down the street and you suddenly realize that it wasn't the cute girl who took you to the hospital, but some fat guy you never met before, and he only looked like her because of some pain-induced hallucination...*breathes*...it is at that moment that you thank heavens for the little metal bits that hold your pants together.
Don't you just hate it when that happens? I can't TELL you how embarressed I was last time that...

...

I mean, what are you talking about?
i happen to like bell bottoms and i do look good in them! my uhm, weight has nothing to do with my pants. honestly.
Don't worry, pants are like cameras; they add 10 pounds. If you don't belive me, drop some in a scale. ^-^
--Lairian
Kitsune
Newbie
Posts: 141
Joined: Wed Oct 22, 2003 7:03 am
Location: Japan
Contact:

I can't believe it

Post by Kitsune »

I can't believe I devoted a few minutes of my life that I will never get back to reading this collection of theories on pants. :)

Pants were made so that we didn't have to invent hair styles for our body hair. Everyone knows that to be true!
"If you have a right to someone else's approval, then they do not have a right to their own opinions and values." - Dr. Thomas Sowell

http://ws6.blogspot.com
Anakin
Mud Addict
Posts: 465
Joined: Tue Jan 07, 2003 5:10 am
Contact:

Post by Anakin »

I'm in your pants.

'nuff said.
It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world everday always just exactly fits in the newspaper.
-Jerry Seinfeld
User avatar
Comatose
Newbie
Posts: 140
Joined: Mon Jan 27, 2003 2:47 pm
Location: South Carolina
Contact:

Post by Comatose »

Stars wrote:Here is a short list of why pants might exist...

1. When we come into the world bare-bottomed, what is the first thing that happens? Someone smacks you on your rosy cheeks, that's what! We spend the rest of our lives trying to protect our posteriors with things like pants.
I promise that is not why I wear pants. I would love it if someone would smack my rosy cheeks. Not the ones on my face, those get slapped enough. :oops:
User avatar
disaster
Needs Help
Posts: 572
Joined: Sat Jan 18, 2003 12:47 am
Location: the true north strong and free
Contact:

Post by disaster »

probably due to the fact you keep trying ot get your rosy cheeks smacked, coma ;)
"Freedom of speech" is not the same thing as "Freedom from consequences".
Post Reply