Posted: Wed Jan 12, 2005 6:36 pm
In no particular order:
- The first paragraph says why you are writing, then why they should care, then why you care, then why they should care again. I would probably make the third sentence second and vice versa.
- It would probably also be worthwhile to beef up the sentence explaining why you're interested in them. It will be at least as important to their HR folks as why you think they should be interested in you.
- It's "interpersonal," not "intrapersonal." Saying that you have strong intrapersonal skills means that you are very good at talking to yourself.
- I would combine the second and third paragraphs, then rework the last sentence of the third paragraph and move it into the last paragraph. Possibly this sentence should be two sentences. At the very least there's a grammar error in there:
"...my qualities and experience has prepared me..."
This should be "have." You wouldn't say "My dogs and cat runs around like crazy."
- Also in that second (and third) paragraph, it is good to list a range of accomplishments, but if you have any one particularly impressive bullet point, you should definitely list that as well. Like DB said, you want the HR person to remember you as "the person who did X." It's the easiest way to make an impression. Perhaps one of the grants you secured would be a good choice.
- It will be annoying but possibly worthwhile to get yourself an email address with your actual name in it for professional correspondence (not that I bothered to do so when I was looking for a job).
Less worthwhile nits/questions:
- I don't know the details of the protocol in your profession, but specifically mentioning your J.D. after already stating that you are a member of the bar seems redundant to me as a non-lawyer. Mentioning your school is a good idea, but doesn't saying you're a member of the bar imply that you graduated?
- Should bar be capitalized? Again, I don't know.
- The first paragraph says why you are writing, then why they should care, then why you care, then why they should care again. I would probably make the third sentence second and vice versa.
- It would probably also be worthwhile to beef up the sentence explaining why you're interested in them. It will be at least as important to their HR folks as why you think they should be interested in you.
- It's "interpersonal," not "intrapersonal." Saying that you have strong intrapersonal skills means that you are very good at talking to yourself.
- I would combine the second and third paragraphs, then rework the last sentence of the third paragraph and move it into the last paragraph. Possibly this sentence should be two sentences. At the very least there's a grammar error in there:
"...my qualities and experience has prepared me..."
This should be "have." You wouldn't say "My dogs and cat runs around like crazy."
- Also in that second (and third) paragraph, it is good to list a range of accomplishments, but if you have any one particularly impressive bullet point, you should definitely list that as well. Like DB said, you want the HR person to remember you as "the person who did X." It's the easiest way to make an impression. Perhaps one of the grants you secured would be a good choice.
- It will be annoying but possibly worthwhile to get yourself an email address with your actual name in it for professional correspondence (not that I bothered to do so when I was looking for a job).
Less worthwhile nits/questions:
- I don't know the details of the protocol in your profession, but specifically mentioning your J.D. after already stating that you are a member of the bar seems redundant to me as a non-lawyer. Mentioning your school is a good idea, but doesn't saying you're a member of the bar imply that you graduated?
- Should bar be capitalized? Again, I don't know.
(Is that wise to say when I am supposedly helping?)