Constructive Critisism
Posted: Tue Mar 16, 2004 11:40 am
Hey guys, I don't normally do this because I've very protective of my writing, but I need some feedback on this poem. I wrote it awhile back and I'm really not sure I like it and was thinking about tossing it in the garbage. *shrug* Anyway, what do you guys think?
Isolated
Shut off from the world
isolated from friends
things are getting worse
as the days progress.
They ask how I can be happy
in times like these
and all I can do is smile
and keep up the charade.
They don’t know
how unhappy I really am
how I cry myself to sleep
on a tear-stained pillow.
How do I make the pain disappear
pull myself from this grave
I’ve been digging for years.
How do I make the sun shine
on such a cloudy day,
the weatherman predicted clear skies,
but all I can see is grey.
Isolated
Shut off from the world
isolated from friends
things are getting worse
as the days progress.
They ask how I can be happy
in times like these
and all I can do is smile
and keep up the charade.
They don’t know
how unhappy I really am
how I cry myself to sleep
on a tear-stained pillow.
How do I make the pain disappear
pull myself from this grave
I’ve been digging for years.
How do I make the sun shine
on such a cloudy day,
the weatherman predicted clear skies,
but all I can see is grey.