my poem

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AMystery
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my poem

Post by AMystery » Tue Sep 06, 2005 10:06 am

I was cleaning today and came upon an old letter from a friend in which she encouraged me to write her a poem so that she would have some part of me. Being a good friend, i now, roughly 7 years later, have composed a poem. Its also interested to compare to my older style and see how they have changed.

A walk through time
I walked upon the hill
falling trees all around

to the left lay the ocean
and to my right a mountain
still I walked

I came upon a shallow vale
full of people thin and pale
their names were lost to history
their lives an unremembered story
and still I walked

Over the next rise
a crane sat on a donkey
Their eyes met and between them
passed all the knowledge of a fly
It was complete

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Post by Kitsune » Fri Sep 09, 2005 4:37 pm

nifty. :) Have an older one on a similar theme for us to compare?
"If you have a right to someone else's approval, then they do not have a right to their own opinions and values." - Dr. Thomas Sowell

http://ws6.blogspot.com

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AMystery
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something new

Post by AMystery » Tue Oct 04, 2005 9:58 pm

This isn't old, since I wrote it tonight. But I thought I'd share anyway as it is also different from my style. I used to be more formal and stream of consciousness style writing. Now I am getting into more complex topics.

Also if you get a chance to see Get up, stand up: the story of Pop and Protest. It was a two hour show on PBS with a lot of great songs and history I didn't know.

-----------

I ain't never seen the far East,
I ain't no idea how Haggas tastes,
But I know when the time comes,
I'll take my stand besides my fellow man.

Chinamen and kilt wearers,
Saviors and sinners,
We are all from the same Source,
All one body with many beliefs.

I kneel beside my brother,
I stand beside my friend,
I hug my neighbor,
I am my own Man.

When the end comes I will be proud
My life has been my own
Never to submit
Never to give in.

Millions shout,
Their voices raised in fear
Anger at the offense,
Then they fall silent.

I don't know what the future holds
Why everything continues,
But I know despite my fears,
Some day it will all end.

Grow above the pain,
Above the hate and strife,
Above my past
Into the future.

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kiri
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Post by kiri » Wed Oct 05, 2005 12:57 pm

The beginning doesn't really jive with the rest.. I think you might be better off cutting the ain't stuff and speaking as you normally would..
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Post by Kitsune » Wed Oct 05, 2005 8:52 pm

I concur. Maybe "I've not..."?

Other than that, you draw an interesting ironic unity to selfhood and brotherhood. ;)
"If you have a right to someone else's approval, then they do not have a right to their own opinions and values." - Dr. Thomas Sowell

http://ws6.blogspot.com

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AMystery
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good comments

Post by AMystery » Thu Oct 06, 2005 9:05 pm

Those are good comments which I agree with and if I revise the poem for a particular audience I would do that, but what you get is exactly how it was produced. It started out as an angry street poem but changed as I explored it.

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